Judgement

Everyone judges. I think a lot of us like to call it "people watching" but come on, we're judging! While looking at the people around us, we are taking it all in and trying to sort them into some category in our minds. Even my children do it and to a degree, it's normal.

I often give people a break in my mind. If someone's driving crazy, I think "well, maybe they have a toddler who needs a potty" or "maybe they are on their way to the hospital!". You really never know a person's situation until you ask and if you can't or don't want to ask, then you just have to give them the benefit of the doubt.

It's strange now when I take the kids out to the park or Target, I can feel the eyes staring at me.  I know they all wonder "why is that baby's head so flat??" and "why is that big girl in diapers?" I can overhear moms of well behaved children comment on my 3 year old girl who runs screaming into the wading pool after I've just gotten her dressed for the ride home. The GLARES burn when I jump in to drag her out, talk with her about it and then when my back is turned, she runs back into that pool.

I want to yell back "You don't know their story! You have no idea where they've come from and what they've been through!". But I do. I know why they look and act the way they do. I also know how sweet they are, how eager they are to be touched, held and loved.

I can't help but feel responsible and judged, and I'm totally ashamed of it. Who cares what people think! Yes, my family is almost always a mess but we're living life and having fun! We are in a tough situation where a lot of things (including discipline, boundaries, health decisions and potty training) are out of our control. The girls came to us with so many physical needs and they are obvious to the public. It's good for me to look back and remember that my job as a foster mom is to love the children in my care, no matter what condition they are in when they arrive. I cannot fix them or control their behavior. I can only do so much and as long as I love, I'm doing my job!