...to foster?
While hundreds and thousands of mothers across the US spent the last few weeks debating 'who is mom enough', I've been hosting my own personal debate in my heart. As we get closer and closer (and closer still) to becoming foster parents, I question my ability to truly love a child that is not my own.
After experiencing some recent temper tantrums thrown by my now four year old (who, by the way, should be completely over his biting stage, don't ya think?), I had a few days of serious doubt. I doubted my ability to be patient and to focus on the big picture. I doubted my heart and it's capacity to love yet another little person, day in and day out.
Can I give them what they need, and sometimes sacrifice my own desires (even if it's just sacrificing the items on my to-do list) for the good of a child? Will I be able to love them so much that we drive 45 minutes out of town for visits with their family twice a month? Could I let them keep food under their beds so they feel safe and taken care of after coming from a home of neglect? Is it even possible for me to keep my cool while I have three (or even FOUR) children screaming at the same time for any number of ridiculous reasons?
Can I give them what they need, and sometimes sacrifice my own desires (even if it's just sacrificing the items on my to-do list) for the good of a child? Will I be able to love them so much that we drive 45 minutes out of town for visits with their family twice a month? Could I let them keep food under their beds so they feel safe and taken care of after coming from a home of neglect? Is it even possible for me to keep my cool while I have three (or even FOUR) children screaming at the same time for any number of ridiculous reasons?
{scary!!}
Forget the mommy wars, which is all about pushing our opinions on others...my war will be about letting go of my opinions so that I can make the bio mom feel comfortable with their child living in my home! Being someone else's mom means you can't just do what you think is right. You always have to take into consideration what the bio mom wants (as it applies to religion, foods, celebrations, etc.). Am I mom enough to be someone else's mom for a time and then let them go?
I want to be mom enough to accommodate them and not just say "Hey, we are the Robbins. This is the way we do things around here, so jump in or jump out".
I have no idea what this job will ask of me except simply, a willing heart. I am willing to try to love the kids under my roof and I'm more than willing to say sorry when I fail. Hopefully, that will be enough.
The best part is that you don't have to have it all figured out just yet. And yes, sometimes you'll lose your patience and sometimes you'll want to lock yourself in the bedroom to have a good long cry. But that's normal. All four of my kids are mine and I still look at them at least twice a day and think "I love you so much but right now I really don't like being your mom."
ReplyDeleteA warm smile and gentle acceptance will go a long way. I'm so excited to see how this journey goes for you!
None of us are "Mom enough." Sometimes when I am feeling so overwhelmed and more like "loser of the year" I remember to pause and think thank you, Lord for reminding me that I absolutely cannot do this on my own. I don't deserve these kids; I can't be a good enough mom for them. But Jesus is sufficient for me. He died so that we may live and have the freedom to parent our children well. Praise goes to Him alone-thanks be to God!
ReplyDeleteif we were perfect parents why have a perfect Father... but you're a pretty darn good mom!
ReplyDeleteI am so thankful to get to read these updates of the whole fostering process. I have no doubt that Dan and you will handle every situation you face with incredible grace and love. You are both amazing parents!
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