Monday, June 4, 2012

It's a crazy job, this motherhood thing.

Inspired by this post on DesignHerMomma, I decided to shed some light on the glamorous parts of being a stay at home mom. You know, just in case you started thinking my days are filled with cutie boys wearing mustaches who eat their meals and go to bed with smiles..., the truth is on most days, I find myself praying for a miracle while hiding in the bathroom. I cry out for the creator of the universe to give me just 3 minutes of peace while my two boys play together without trying to bring the house down. Oh, and I occasionally slip in a plea for a solo vacay to Hawaii. He never seems to say yes to that one.

Besides the usual library melt downs and tumbling off the playground equipment, this week was especially interesting. It's as if the boys conspired to make it a super special week for mama.

I can just see them in their bunk beds, making big plans...

Elijah: "Ok Laz, I'm going to throw a fit about something ridiculous and then you come in with mom's underwear on your head pretending like your teeth are attacking your face off. Scream as loud as you can for as long as you can."

Lazarus: "Yah. Doo duh BLAH!"

Elijah: "K, then after we've tricked mom into thinking we were actually obeying at her friend's party, let's both freak out again. Come on, it'll be hilarious! Climb up her legs, Mowgli style and insist that you need to live inside her womb again."

Lazarus: "Yeah, hahah!"

Elijah: "I'll start biting her in the butt. It'll be crazy! She'll try to hold it all together, because, well, you know how she has to act perfect in front of people. She'll ask nicely for us to calm down and obey. She might even look sad, but do. not. back. down!"

Lazarus: "Dahhhhhhh! WOW! Plane plane!"

Elijah: "Oh, and next time we're at the library, could you sneak on the elevator, ride it down three floors while mom and I rush down the stairs to catch up with you? I really think that would be a nice way to finish out the week."

Yeah, that all really happened.

Thankfully, Sundays exist. We go to church, everyone naps and Dan is home with us the entire day! We do whatever we want, which usually includes me hiding from everyone, regaining my strength for the week to come. This Sunday was spent outside, complete with our home made red neck water park and and a family bbq.

Our water park has gotten pretty popular this summer. People travel far and wide to see it. When you arrive, you might be overwhelmed by all the latest technology in water play. Don't worry, our host Lazzy can show you how it's done in four easy steps.
1. Allow our designated "pusher" to give you that extra momentum down the slide.
2. Crash at the end to ensure you actually get wet.
3. Leave the water on your face to prove you actually did it-you rode the worlds largest water slide!
4. Enthusiastically shriek for joy as others slide down. It enhances their experience.

Our designated pusher Elijah is also available for swim lessons should you need them.

If you're up for it, Lazzy will challenge you to an eating contest. Don't get your hopes up, though. He always wins.

Cue cheesy music...a mama and her chubby naked boy in the summer time. So sweet! Yeah, then he peed on my lap. Motherhood is a crazy job but someone's got to do it!


  1. oh I love this. I haven't even attempted to clean my green chair up yet. It's on the to-do list for the day, which doesn't mean much.

  2. Ha! I laughed this whole post. Glad I'm not the only one who hides:)

  3. haha, hilarious. You are not alone, I am amazed at how many sweet looking pictures I can get of my kids considering all of the unsweet moments we have! And, I feel for you with the elevator, when we went to the Great Wold Lodge Áine and Vincent ran around the corner and Áine came back screaming that Vincent went in the elevator and we had no idea if it went up or down! Seth had to run down to the front desk, a really nice man ran up to check the top floors and I just stood at the main floor with my heart pounding and my mind thinking of every horrible thing that could happen. The 2ish minutes it took for someone to find him and bring him down to the main floor felt like FOREVER! I just cried when I saw him.