I've been making some bad choices lately. I just can't seem to learn from my mistakes. I keep convincing myself that I can do it all, when really, I can't. I know-shocking.
The most difficult thing about going from having one kid to two is all the down time. Hmm...down time isn't the right phrase because that would mean I actually had time for sitting down, and that is definitely not happening. I guess I could call it "boring time". I, Bethany the great extrovert, am at home most evenings with two little people with early bedtimes. Don't get me wrong, I love these little people so much, it hurts. BUT, I also love getting out, enjoying the festivities whatever they may be and having conversations about things other than dump trucks and owls.
I hate missing out on a potentially fun night with friends.
Enter bad choices.
Last Friday night (while Dan was at work), I decided to go ahead and join the Jensens at the hot air balloon lighting. It was all against my better judgment. The practical Patty in me knew that I shouldn't have gone by myself with two kids, but the extrovert in me said "Oh, go! It'll be fun! Think of all the people that will be there, eating and having a good time!". We went last year and had a blast, of course we were one kid lighter and I had back up. Plus, we arrived during the day and had lots of time to set up, eat dinner and walk around. This time, I walked about 2 miles with the babe in the sling and Eli in the stroller, pushing him through a golf course up hill (see picture below) in the dark. It took a while to locate the Jensen family. Once seated and settled, I nursed Laz and struggled to keep Eli close to me. We stuck around for the fireworks and then walked back in the dark at 10pm. By the time we got home, both boys were crying and refusing to go to sleep. I had reached the end of my rope. That night, I told myself I was going to always do "the right thing" when it came to my kids, no matter how much I have to miss out. I realized that Elijah would have probably had more fun and a better night altogether had we stayed home and played with his toys. All the stress and melt downs were not worth going to see a hundred hot air balloons.
Here's the hard part-on Sunday, I made the same mistake. We had lunch with friends after church and basically skipped Elijah's nap. It ended with Eli screaming in our friends' living room because he didn't want to clean up and leave. He finally had a nap at 4pm. Again, bad choice mama.
I guess it has taken me a little while to completely embrace this new life of stability. For now, I am a mom of two very little boys who need me to think about them all the time, because no one else will. It's my job to protect them, their meal times, nap times and bed times. Any advice/encouragement?? Obviously, I could really use some.