I've decided that when it comes to discussing death (and other big topics), honesty is the best policy. It doesn't take long before kids realize that death is something big. This is what I've told Elijah when he asks "does death hurt?" and questions about when he will die:
"Yes Elijah, we will die one day but it won't hurt for long. The sad thing about death is that it's not natural. Death was not part of creation, so it really hurts the people left behind. You will feel hurt sometime in your life because of death. BUT, The good thing about death is that afterwards, we get to join the biggest party in history! A never ending party with Jesus! Thanks to him, we got an invitation :)."
His response : "And I will get to eat ALLLLLL of my favorite things, like.......cereal and pizza and avocado and candy.....and.....just things like that!"
Other conversations about death:
As we were driving past a small cemetery, Elijah asks "Mom, why isn't there a fence around it?"
"Yes Elijah, we will die one day but it won't hurt for long. The sad thing about death is that it's not natural. Death was not part of creation, so it really hurts the people left behind. You will feel hurt sometime in your life because of death. BUT, The good thing about death is that afterwards, we get to join the biggest party in history! A never ending party with Jesus! Thanks to him, we got an invitation :)."
His response : "And I will get to eat ALLLLLL of my favorite things, like.......cereal and pizza and avocado and candy.....and.....just things like that!"
Other conversations about death:
As we were driving past a small cemetery, Elijah asks "Mom, why isn't there a fence around it?"
Me : "I'm not sure. Maybe it doesn't have a fence because it's just a little cemetery in a church yard and not a BIG cemetery with lots of graves."
Elijah : "I know! It's so that if a old man feels reeeeaaaally old and is dying, he can just walk in and lay down and die with all the dead people."
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Elijah's explanation for lazzy's mystery cries: "It's okay mom, he's just sad 'bout growing up and being a old man and then he's gonna die. That's why he's sad."
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While driving around town, I turned around to check on my sweet boys sitting behind me. I saw Elijah making a strange face, somewhat strained.
Me : "Eli, do you need to go potty babe?" I was afraid it was too late!
Elijah : "Um, no. I don't."
Me : "Honey, you look like something is wrong. Are you okay?"
Elijah : "Yeah, I was just trying to feel death. 'Cause when yer dead, you don't breathe."
Yeah, he was holding his breath....
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Elijah : "Mom, soon I'm gonna die and I want to die next to you."
Me (holding back the tears and laughter) : "Me too, honey. That would be wonderful because we wouldn't have to feel sad that one of us left without the other one. BUT, we need to remember that death is up to God. We don't know how or when it will happen, but God does. We'll just have to wait and see what happens."
Elijah : "Okay, but I will ask God if we can die together and He might agree with my plan!"
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Wow, I'm sure the death conversations will continue, but I welcome them. People don't talk enough about these things. Our problem might be if we talk about it too much ;)
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Elijah : "Mom, soon I'm gonna die and I want to die next to you."
Me (holding back the tears and laughter) : "Me too, honey. That would be wonderful because we wouldn't have to feel sad that one of us left without the other one. BUT, we need to remember that death is up to God. We don't know how or when it will happen, but God does. We'll just have to wait and see what happens."
Elijah : "Okay, but I will ask God if we can die together and He might agree with my plan!"
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Wow, I'm sure the death conversations will continue, but I welcome them. People don't talk enough about these things. Our problem might be if we talk about it too much ;)
Wonderful! (a) that you're talking about it - and Elijah's reactions and reasoning!
ReplyDeleteHowever, if you don't mind, I do take issue with you that Death is not natural! It actually is the most natural thing, cos we never get the day we're in back. The day we're born, is the first step towards our eventual end - be that short or long.
My husband (of nearly 43 years) died in May, so it's still a bit personal for me, but we always talked about death when it seemed natural to do so. I know he's in a so much better place now: it's just so lonely without him, but I'm getting there!
Keep up the good work, though!
You're right that death is natural. It's the natural end to life, but I believe it was not the original plan for humans to die. When sin entered the world, death then became something we would all have to face and it's terrible and hard and so painful. Thankfully, it's not THE end and both Eli and I look forward to that part of the story :)
DeleteSo sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine going on without a best friend of 43 years! Blessings to you Isobel.
Sounds like our house. Caitlin asks questions about Heaven ALL THE TIME. I answer her questions honestly, but I do cringe while I'm doing it... it all sounds so morbid. I want her to look forward expectantly to Heaven... more than anything, but it is so weird to hear her talk about being so excited to die and go to Heaven.
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