I will be 39 weeks on Sunday. We are at that point where it could happen at any moment. People ask me if I am ready. Although I do feel excited about meeting little Laz, I do not actually feel ready. Maybe that's because Dan is still studying for his Hebrew exam or maybe because our walls are still drying from wet paint and Eli's bed is pushed up against Lazzy's crib.
I did get to mop the house today and wipe down most surfaces which were very very dusty. Slowly I am catching up with the house work and getting things back into place. I just hope it doesn't put me into labor!
One thing I know I need to do is rest more. Sleep has not been happening for me. I am lucky to get 4-5 hours a night, interrupted of course. Physically I am exhausted. Sometimes I break down and wonder how I'm going to have the strength to bring another baby into the world. When I feel this way, I focus on God's strength spoken about in the Psalms. There are so many more but these are the verses I will be holding onto over the next few months.
Psalm 28:7 "The Lord is my strength and my shield, my heart trusts in Him and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song."
Psalm 29:11 "The Lord gives strength to His people. The Lord blesses His people with peace."
Psalm 46:1 "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble."
Psalm 73:26 "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
Psalm 93:1 "The Lord reigns, He is robed in majesty; the Lord is robed in majesty and is armed in strength. The world is fully established; it cannot be moved."
When people find out I'm hoping for a natural home birth, they marvel at my courage and strength. I have to correct them immediately because part of me is scared that I can't do it. My courage and hope is in the Lord and I am trusting that He will give me all the strength that I need. I feel depleted but I know that God will fill me up. I am excited to see His faithfulness. I know He will prove His strength during the birth. I am so glad I will not be doing it alone.