Thursday, July 29, 2010

Hope always wins

Today has been discouraging for many reasons. It's Dan's birthday and we have spent the whole day apart. I spent 2 hours at a Food Stamps appointment only to get rejected because of complications with paper work. Dan spent the entire morning cleaning up Elijah's numerous potty accidents while out for coffee. Now, Dan is working at his new job (his sixth job since moving to St. Louis) until 1am tonight. During Eli's nap, I broke down crying. It was one of those moments when you just think to yourself "what are we going to do??". I'm sure being 37 weeks has something to do with my fragile emotional state, but still. I felt overwhelmed by fear. How will I have the energy for this upcoming birth and then be a mother of two? How will Dan manage school and work on little to no sleep? How will we pay for groceries without food stamps?

Philippians 4:6-7 immediately came into my head.
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

I have seen God provide for us (and others) in miraculous ways. I believe that He cares for us. I know that even though we may not prosper in this life, we share an inheritance with Christ in Heaven that will never spoil. This life is passing and not worth being anxious about. God has taken care of it all through Christ.

Psalm 52:9
"I will praise you forever for what you have done; in your name I will hope, for your name is good. I will praise you in the presence of your saints."

I am so thankful that I do not have to hope in jobs, financial assistance or my own strength. I can hope in a God who was willing to die for my sake. A God who made me and knows me. A God who is able to do ALL things (so I don't have to!).

Ephesians 3:20
"Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever, Amen."

On a happier note (even though it won't seem like it at first), Dan was shaving for work this afternoon and came out of the bathroom crying. When I asked him what was wrong, it took him a few seconds to respond. "That book about the home birth is so beautiful" and then he continued to cry. It was sooooo sweet!!

He was referring to "Welcome With Love" which I've been reading daily with Elijah during potty time. Dan was especially moved by the part where they announce it's a baby boy, the mother cries and lays down with her new baby:

"Dad is helping Mum into bed. She is shaking. Dad wraps her up. Mum lies against the cushions. "A little boy," Mum says, crying and smiling at the same time. She holds him close against her breast. Dad tucks the blanket around them. He's crying too."

I just got teary eyed typing that! Dan came and sat next to me. He was just so emotional about the upcoming arrival of little Laz. He couldn't believe that we would feel that way again, so soon. We are both very blessed by our two boys. Even when it feels like we've been forgotten, we can look at our lives and KNOW that God is in fact giving us all good things for His purposes.


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