Saturday, May 19, 2012

Top 10 - Fears About Fostering

1. What if they don't like me/us? It would be totally normal for our foster children to be a bit confused, even angry with us at first. They've just been removed from their home and taken to a "safer" home, bjut who are these people? Can they be trusted? I am prepared to deal with a bit of these issues, but, after the dust settles, what if we just don't get along? I often think about how different my children are from me, but we love each other and get along, because, in a sense, we've been given to each other. I'm praying that the same connection happens with any child we are entrusted to care for.

2. Midnight feedings? I'm out of practice! I'm not sure how I will do with middle of the night feedings/rocking/swaying if we get a baby. I might be enlisting Dan's help this time! Good thing the boys are heavy sleepers.

3. Appointments might take over my life! I know I can't just stop my own life, but I need to prepare to slow down a bit. It's unlikely but still possible that my life will turn into one appointment after another. Like any mom adding children to her plate, I will have to loosen my grip even MORE on the bit of freedom I have left.

4. Interactions with bio family will be difficult. Prior to our training, I had no idea that regular visits were part of fostering. I thought we would have more of a removed role, focusing solely on the health and protection of our foster kids. For the record, it's much much more than that.

5. Being out numbered. Being outnumbered is not a general fear of mine when it comes to family planning. For Dan, four kids is a stretch, but I could see myself with five or six. The thing that blows my mind is the lack of transition period. There will not be time between us finding out we are getting one or two kids (possibly twins!) and them entering our home. No 9 month period to get used to the idea. It will be sudden and probably very very hard at first.

6. Not having the strength or patience to be the parents these children need. Thankfully, God promises to be with those who follow Him. He gave us a calling, a passion to care for children in need and I believe He will also provide the emotional support to carry this through.

7. Transitioning our foster kids into our community. Foster children are literally plucked out of their homes, schools, churches, and neighborhoods. When they enter our home, they enter a whole new world. I am so thankful for our church community and friends, our diverse neighborhood and amazing schools nearby. I just pray for these children, for soft hearts and flexible spirits as their world changes right before their eyes.

8. I'm worried about our kids safety and guarding their hearts. We aren't too worried about the physical part, mostly because Elijah has been a biter his whole life (still does from time to time) so honestly, I fear HE might hurt our foster kids!! Still, we are aware that kids who have been abused act out physically and we pray for the wisdom to deal lovingly with these issues. As well, our boys will most likely fall in love with their foster sister/s so it will be hard to see them hurting, should our girls eventually go home.

9. Team dynamics. Not only will we be meeting and working with the bio family, but a monthly meeting will be had with all team members involved, including case workers, counselors, and family members. I'm nervous about who these people are, their personalties and agendas. I imagine it will be much like a high school group project where you didn't pick your team members. You all have a similar goal but so many different personalities. It's hard to know what to expect.

10. Attachment. I'm afraid of both attaching too much or not enough. Most people we talk to are worried about our family getting too attached to a child only to see them go back home. It was a fear of mine, too, until we learned that the goal of fostering is to give the kids back! We learned in our STARS classes that attachment is actually an important part of fostering. We, as the foster parents, can have an impact on how these children learn to relate to people. We get to teach them about healthy relationships and might possibly be the first people they attach to appropriately. I'm hoping my years of nanny-ing will help me in this!


  1. Thanks for your honesty! I am enjoying this series.

  2. I am so excited for your journey! It's gonna be so exciting, and I'm pumped to see where God leads you!

  3. Hey! I've been a silent reader for awhile; but I've really enjoyed reading about your struggles and joys with beginning fostering! That's something my husband and I have been tentatively interested in, and I really appreciate the opportunity to hear the thoughts of someone who's doing it--thanks so much!